On Getting Older…

I’m not especially old, but I have been married for a long time and have children whilst most people my age are just beginning to settle down.

My husband is a good man, but so unromantic, grumpy, boring and predictable.  Our sex life is pretty boring too.  Once a week, if even, always the same.  I am an outgoing spontaneous person and am going stir-crazy.

Recently a younger man has been paying attention to me and complimenting me and flirting.  He’s so funny, clever and handsome that I’m going crazy.

I would never leave my family, but would it be so bad to just have a mad, sexy affair with this fella, even just one night?  Not like my husband would even notice I was gone.

I know it’s wrong, but I can’t get it out of my head.  I’m going to see him in a social context this weekend and I’m sure I’ll behave, but one can dream, right?

The girl in the little gold dress

I went clubbing last weekend with friends. Had a few drinks. Danced badly a bit. Met a girl. Stunning. Beautiful eyes, short sexy dark hair, dark skin, not too thin with curves in the right places, short gold dress. The sort of girl who demanded attention in a room. She fixated on me in the way that girls like that never do. To the point of throwing herself at me. I could quite easily have taken her home I think even with my sometimes inaccurate reading of situations like this. My friends both male and female were convinced on consultation. I was lonely and horny and shocked. When the end of the night came I avoided her and went home by myself. Afterwards I thought over why I did that when I could have had a night of what most guys go to nightclubs for with the sort of girl most guys go to nightclubs hoping against hope to go home with. There were three situations involved. One: she was young probably nineteen or twenty at most but I don’t know she could have been younger. Two: she was very, very drunk to the point where she at times needed to hold on to me to stand up. Three: I’ve reached a point in my life where adolescent sexual fantasy no longer holds sway over me and all I feel when I wake up next to someone I don’t know is emptiness and a hole inside me that noone can fill regardless of how much pleasure someone has brought me or how much I have brought to them in return. All I want is to wake up next to someone who looks at me and makes my heart stop beating. I don’t know who that is. She may not exist. I don’t know what happened in the club but I think it has exposed a raw nerve. I walked away when almost everyone else would have not. What is wrong with me?