To my husband,
It’s time we stop kidding ourselves. This marriage is over. There’s no fighting or upset, but we are kidding ourselves if we think this will ever end well.
When we met, we both were in a situation that the other needed something from. You were about to off yourself and I needed somewhere to stay because I couldn’t go back to my parents. I had the weed necessary to help you forget your troubles and you had a place I could crash.
We were friends, but we were in the right place at the right time for what we needed then. We should have left it like that. We weren’t a traditional rebound relationship as in we were just out of other relationships, but we were a way out of the issues we had faced before.
We loved each other, and I think still do, but I don’t think we were ever in love. We needed each other and thought that was enough. We wanted to build a future and quite fucking up our lives, so we got married.
A year in I knew it was wrong. I was unhappy, I knew I had made a mistake. If you look back, you might remember the huge fight we had before the eldest was born. I was pretty sure it was over then. But then I was pregnant. It was a new start. We gave it our all, we wanted to be good parents and have a good marriage.
We did fine for awhile, but again the baby filled in for the gaping hole we had. We thought moving to Ireland would be a good idea when it was really another chance to excape. We use our “life experiences” to deal with the fact that we are not the one for each other.
Second child came along two years later and hear we are another two years on and we’re both at rock bottom. You’re on medication and I’m drinking too much. You come home from work and we just turn on the telly and ignore each other.
Sure, we get along just fine and have good times, but let’s face it, we’re just drinking buddies who have the occasional shag. We’re plodding along in jobs we don’t like, thinking we’re doing the right thing.
The practicalities of a separation are iffy. Hell, I don’t even know if our marriage is recognised in Ireland, but I do know I can’t go on like this. I am living a lie and so are you.
It is better to do this now, when the children are young enough to not be too traumatised. We owe it to them and we owe it to ourselves. We will never fulfil our full potential if we go on like this. Neither of us are happy and it’s time to move on. If we’re not happy the children won’t be happy and that should be our primary focus.
You of all people know how hard it can be to grow up in a house of tension. Our kids deserve better. We owe it to them to get this sorted now while all four of us are still young enough to go on to find our true calling.
I like to think we’ll always be friends, because you do know me better than anyone and it would be the best for the kids.
You know counselling won’t help. It might make things more harmonious, but nothing is going to change the fact that you are not the one for me.
You know everything I’m saying is true, you’ve said as much yourself, although perhaps not in words.
The question is, where do we go from here?
Your wife,
Me
