I gave them up today, finally.
Today for the first time I knew I could do it.
Today for the first time I looked at the person I have devoted so much time to, put all my hopes of happiness in, portrayed to myself and others as being THE ONE and thought NOT ANY MORE.
I should point out that they, like so many obscure objects of desire, are with their partner and very happy with them. They are at this very moment with them living their life as normal, not thinking much of me. What we had was a long time ago but still, there are some people you just can’t let go. Some people you believe you will keep in your heart for a lifetime regardless of the way they now feel for you. Some people who you hope against all hope and logic will turn up at your door one day wanting to try again.
I asked someone’s advice once and they were right. We all deserve to be hopelessly in love with someone who reflects the same back at us, burns to be with us regardless of anything, can’t keep us out of their thoughts every day, not someone who doesn’t feel that way about us anymore. It might sound daft to you that an adult could feel that way even with the experience of years but once it arrives there’s not a lot you can do to be rid of it, particularly when one preson can make you feel alive for the first time with the touch of their hand on your hand, their cheek on your cheek, their lips on your lips.
In fact before I met them I was a cynical realist who believed love was for the masses addled by stupid films and sentimental songs in sloppy country slow sets, but then everything changed and I opened up for good. That’s what I take from this. They were not THE ONE but somewhere, somehow, somewhy THE ONE and I will find each other in the most unlikely of circumstances and through the most implausable combination of mistakes. Then, when we do, it will have been worth it all. All of this was just to prove to me that it could be done.
They are not THE ONE. If they were they would be here now, breaking down my door unwilling to let our one last chance at happiness, our one last coincidence of circumstances tick away to zero.
So now I say the magic words, now I close my eyes, now I let go everything we once were off into the ether like so much stardust and memories. Nobody will notice but me, and you of course, but that doesn’t matter.
I gave them up today, finally and I am happy.
