All the post’s of late seem to be sad, depressed, unloved. Are we all really that unhappy right now ?
Where is all the love, new love, achievements etc – Do we just need to flip the glass half empty to half full and lets all try to be positive .
Not that all the above doesn’t apply in life – of course it does but lets not let it take us over!
I have met somebody that actually saw me and he saw the pain in my eyes and face enough to take action. I have another secured and through him, I became strong again. Stronger than ever before. The best act of Love is through simple honest communication. I feel strong enough to go talk now because I have someone watching over me in case I stand for more humiliation and rejection if that is what I am to walk in to. I have the support of another who will not allow me to fall into the depths of the abyss. People do not seem to understand that I always knew I was worth at a previous time before I married that shitty man who beat me up so much that he took my self confidence away. It was through the Love of another I was able to regain back what I once had….
I cannot come by. He said he/you would have me arrested for trespassing. Dublin must be a lonely place
If that’s you, I’m not gone.
If it’s not you, then I know how you feel.
My heart aches.
We moved. A long way away and we don’t have a house yet-we’re renting a suite with no yard. We had a dog. A small dog the size of a cat. We could not take her with us so my adult stepson has her. She has a huge yard to roam in! A dog door to the garage to get away to her second bed if the kid bugs her tooi much, food and water but she doesn’t get enough attention; playtime and affection.
The adult son is up here visiting and brought the dog. She’s not doing well mentally she’s listless non excitable and would not fetch the ball being tossed for the other dog here. I know she misses us and isn’t getting what she needs and its making me feel crappy and dad because there is no solution to this yet
I just wanted to spill my guts to someone who would listen without judging. Thanks.
I feel your pain…
Listen to music..saved me many times and still does..
Listen to it LOUD…sing..dance..anything to shake the mood up..
Hug yourself…
Stay away from alcohol…
Sounds like you are a very sensitive person and react to all things..use that gift to react to the good things too..things that you love doing…
When I really can’t shake myself up..I clean!..clean the toilet!..anything to distract yourself..just move..
I hope you feel better soon and less hurt and love yourself more..
Sending you a hug : )
You want my absolute obedience. You want to be the be all and end all. You think I don’t need anything else. You want me to give up my friends, my family, my physical and mental health, my dreams, my future and be the obedient wife. By the time you’re through with me I’ll be nothing but an empty shell, a ghost of my former self.
I saw my lawyer today. I explained the marriage. He advised me to get own place as soon as I could. Could not blame me to stay married to a person like this. Thank You I feel so much better.
I know what I want. I want YOU. I accept YOU with all your flaws no matter. I LOVE YOU. I am divorcing and things are about to blow wide apart. I am fine, not hurt baby. I want YOU to take care of me, my LOVE. I love YOU completely. I was around today in Dublin. I was close. Very close to YOU. I will not change my mind. YOU are MY only true Lover. I am both YOUR LOVER and YOUR BELOVED. I want YOU to have ME. I have no desire for anybody else. None baby, none. It is YOU I want. I will have any part of YOU I can. It is YOU that I want in any part of MY life that you can be of. I LOVE YOU..and I can provide YOUR needs. Soon baby soon…..
I will come to see you. I will be calm. What on earth will I even say?
While driving in search of breakfast this morning I passed a garage where someone was working on a car and my thoughts took me to my father, who passed at a young age over fifty years ago, and then think of my mother,
who passed four years ago although it seems much longer.
My father’s death had a great impact on me, he and I were very close for the five years we had, my sister had less time and has but a fleeting memory, my brother, just a baby when dad died, but my mom had it the toughest of all for sure, bringing us up all on her own, and she did so, better than anyone in the world.
My father passed during the night, and I was next to him.
My mom, several years ago, told me that I asked her if I could sleep sleep with daddy tonight, he just home from the hospital after discovery of his heart ailment. She said this while we were visiting her cousin that we had not met before, with cousins visiting from Ireland.
This was a difficult spot to tell me and I’m not sure why she chose then.
I did well keeping it to a few tears in spite of that emotional knowledge.
I do not think I discussed it with mom afterward, do not know how she
felt about that, I am glad that she shared that with me. I wondered if it
was better or worse that is me instead of her next to him at that moment.
Missing them, but must make the most of that most precious gift, life..
I am truly at my breaking point. I gather from deep instinct that you choose not to get yourself involved. I have tried to reach out to you. I will always love you. I must respect your wishes. This is part of really loving you. I would have been around but my intuition tells me within you that perhaps I could be too dangerous for you. I don’t want to cause you any harm. I was very emotional, yes. I told you that I loved you. This is from years and years of pent up emotions within myself. I released them in a flood upon you. I apologize for this. I reached a point in time which could no longer suppress the years upon years of pent up emotions I had swirling inside myself. I do have control of my emotions. Perhaps I control them almost to well. I had to let them out after 40 years. When I fell in Love with you baby was when I realized you really did Love Me. I never knew it before until I fell in Love with You and became Your Lover. I anguish inside for you. I hurt for you. I long for you. I want to hold you and tell you everything is going to be fine. I want to touch you. I am not able to. I don’t want to jeopardize anything you Love or your life in any way. So therefore, I am unable to do anything. What would I say to you? You stated it was not your problem. It is not. I am not asking you to fix my problem. I thought you and I already established this. Yes. I listen to you. I would never give you something from me that you do not want. I would not Love you then, if I did.
I was contacted by a lawyer. I distrust many. Why would he want to help someone he does not even know? What is his interest in helping me? Nobody does anything for anybody just because they want to exception of very few people. What is this persons gain from it? Sex? Money? If I am not told, I refuse to allow anybody to get next to me. I will no longer deal in Triangles. To destructive. Not good for my health. I need to take care of my health most importantly. I have to cut the Triangle. I was not meant for Triangles of any kind.
why do i always feel so hurt by every thing.that happens in my sad life. i just don’t ant to carry on anymore.
I’ve been bullied in work for a few months now. I’ve lost weight, become very withdrawn and generally not been myself. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression.I was very upset for a short while but it’s given me a clarity and a sense of perspective that had been missing in my thinking up to that point.
I’m on a cocktail of drugs but have to refill my prescription regularly as my GP tells me I’m at risk of self-harming; though I know I’m nowhere close to that. It’s actually been very calming – and this was before the drugs kicked in.
I will have my day though Mr. Toad.
I Love You. I can’t cut you out. It is killing me not being able to see you. I am in a mess. I am with the most cruel person I have ever been with to date. He will try and make life for me as miserable as he can with no escape. I must have a place to go and find sanctuary if I am to survive. The man I am talking about is the one I am married to. He has cut me up inside like no other you could imagine. If I don’t find a place soon I am not gonna survive it. I will try my best to remain strong however. I need sanctuary, a safe place to go. There is one place I can go without having to worry about money at this time. This is in Los Angeles. I will rent storage today and put my things there for time being. The alternative plan. I Love You so much. I could never be with another. I am also trying to protect your interests as well. I Love You.
He is slipping away further and further and I am unable to hang on much long although I love him still very much. How am I able to keep him from slipping away to the point I no longer care?
I think those horrible rejection feelings come from putting what he thinks your ‘worth’ instead of what YOU think your worth (the most important opinion of yourself here is YOURS!).
If you can still talk to him..maybe ask him why and if it was something specifically related to your behaviour..then you can improve on that for next time! But only if it’s something you acknowledge as true!
If you can’t or don’t want to ask him..(sometimes best to not know!) then who knows why he dumped you but it may have nothing to do with you at all! Maybe he thought you would have dumped him eventually and wanted to end it before he got in too deep? I know I’ve done this..it broke my heart but I knew it was coming so why prolong it?
Trust that if it was meant to be..it would have worked out so try be positive that you’re now available and open to someone who deserves you (if you let yourself be!)
The pain will go away if you let it..and even though you’re hurting..the best thing to do is get back out there..laugh and have fun! I hope you feel better about yourself soon and find someone perfect for you! : )
Something happened the other day at work and I refuse to tell my wife about it as I threw a tantrum with some of her things like throwing them in the sink drain and ripping up things of hers and generally making a mess. I would rather drive her crazy with lies than tell her the truth.
I have tried to hurt the one I love the most, generally just using words. I would never take action to hurt my lover. It has been a tough road for me. I always come back however to my Lover. I am married only by a piece of paper. I told my husband the truth. I was going to go insane if I did not. I explained to him that it is my lover and only my lover who can feed me the nutrients for my survival. No one else can provide this. No matter how much I beat my lover up with my words, he is still there. I have finally told the truth about it all. I do not expect that many will understand, with only the exception of my Lover. There must be a way to create a presence in one another’s life. My husband told me that I knew exactly where he is and that I should go get him. Thanks, so I will…
This isn’t a love story. It’s a story about love. A story about my love for you. I’ve never stopped thinking of you, never stopped waiting for you, never stopped feeling for you.
I look for you everywhere. I hope to bump into you. I hope to catch a glimpse of you. But I never do. You’re never there. I wonder what it is you’re doing, where you’re doing it, and who you’re doing it with.
Why did you cut me out of your life?
Dublin is a very lonely place. There doesn’t seem to be anywhere to meet people. Where are you meant to go to find someone new to be part of your life, to find someone to be part of their life?
If I can’t find someone new, and I can’t have you, what am I supposed to do? What’s the point?
The worst part is not being lonely. It is not the thought of a life without him. It is not that I will never have anyone else like him again. In fact, I’m sure I’m probably better off without him, and I know that our relationship was far from perfect.
No, the worst part is that HE dumped ME, and I haven’t got a clue how to handle the feelings of rejection. I want to go back in time and be the one to call it off. Sure, I miss him,and I loved him, and I’m sad that we didn’t work out, but I’ll get over that.
I just don’t know how to get over him not wanting me anymore.
i’m afraid i drink too much.
too often.
for any reason.
i’m feeling stressed, i’m feeling excited, i’m feeling relaxed, i’m feeling happy, i’m feeling sad…
doesn’t matter… it seems like a good time to open the wine.
and i’m lonely
I have a crush on him. He’s getting married [he’s only been in the relationship ** months... personally I think it mightn’t last]… He was my boss, sort of- and I will be working with him again in the future. Saturday night, when we were working together and drinking [when we probably shouldn’t have been but fuck it cos we had fun] was the best night “out” I’ve had in ages.
When it hit me that we had to finish all I could do was cry. And maybe it was his hug that did it; he is a little more amicable when tipsy/drunk- I sat in his arms and cried; I do not think he took it badly; he showed no indication of doing so. Perhaps because of the drink. I asked him not to think worse of me for doing this, and he replied, “******, you didn’t see me last night, I was a wreck; this is breaking my heart.” It is also breaking mine, but my job is half of it.
Early Sunday morning we hung back a while, drank, and talked to ********* about what was going to happen after… We ditched the now-empty cans and started to walk to the stairs leading up to ground level. He slipped an arm around my waist; I did likewise for support. He took my hand to help me up the steps and did not let go as we walked across the car park [I’m not good with wide open spaces unless I have support of some kind].
Truths were told and smiles were shared. I did not confess that I have a crush on him. Perhaps I should have done. He taught me everything I needed to know and a few life lessons too- not to be so bloody cynical, for example. Both he and I seem to be huggy people. I have never EVER seen him hug any of the other girls I work with, at any time. I’ve only ever seen him with an arm around his fiancée’s shoulders (but maybe they keep that closeness behind closed doors, I don’t know).
Should I tell him? What should I do? Please don’t just tell me not to tell him…
(This post has been edited to remove personal information that could be used to indentify individuals)
Life less than slow motion, moving as fast as it’s pushed.
A sedentary Atlas has fallen
Under his globe.
A world behind a door that opens inwards,
But the doorstop’s wedged tight.
Thick jam blood moves through these walls.
Crooked picture frames, shelves of ornaments.
Shirt buttons.
Cups of tea swirling.
Thick jam blood moving slowly.
Why does it seem like my friends have more faith in me and that I believe in myself more than my parents do?
I have a dream of owning my own business and I truly believe that I can do it. Things are going well, it’s growing. Of course at the moment I can’t depend on it solely but I want to one day and really want to give it a go and make it.
My mom said to me the other day that if I was given an opportunity to further my career that I should take it over owning my small business. ‘you can’t make money from your business’ she once told me. Sure I can’t make super money from my business, but it makes me happy. I believe I can make enough money to survive comfortably. How many people have the opportunity to wake up and do what they love every day and get paid for it as well? If I have that opportunity shouldn’t I give it a go?
Or instead do I keep climbing the ‘corporate ladder’ and go to work each day to do something I don’t really enjoy just so I have a title and a steady income? ‘owning your own business is really hard you know’ my mom said to me. Of course I know! I don’t expect it to me a walk in the park! I know it will be hard, frustrating and scary, but it will also be rewarding and exciting. Why do they treat me like I’m a teenager who has no sense of the real world when I am in my mid 20s and although have not had as much life experience as some, I do have a clue on the ‘real world’ is like.
Do they think what I do in my business is a joke?! It is real and I am serious about it. Of course they probably think that the years I spent in college and grad school was a waste because I don’t want to run in the rat race with everyone else but in fact because of all that education, I believe I am well equip to do this. I believe I still have a lot to learn and that it is going to be a struggle mentally, emotionally and financially. But I AM ready and I DO believe that I can make it work. I don’t need their approval but why do I crave it?
I was talking about you today, about what happened when we first met. About how amazing it was between, how compatible I thought we were. and at one point the tears just welled up. I was surprised. I thought I’d gotten over you. I thought I’d freed myself. I love you, i still love you. I don’t want to. I know you love your wife. I even want you to work that relationship out so that you’ll be happy. But somehow I still love you, still want you.
We still talk occassionally, IM. We’ll bump into each other from time to time that’s for sure… This afternoon, after I realised I still loved you I IMed you. We talked about work. At the end of the conversation I wanted to tell you that I miss you. I wrote instead “I miss the idea of you”.
That’s what I fell in love with; the fantasy, the idea of who I want you to be. You’re not that man. If you were you would’ve be single. If you were you’d have far greater respect for me. If you were we’d be together, right now. You’d be sitting on the couch next to me, and I wouldn’t be writing an anonymous post on The Lives of Others as the tears trickle down my cheeks. I need to pay more attention to the little voice in my head. The one that tells me things that I ignore… The one that told me I HAD heard you right, that you were married, despite the absent wedding ring, despite the all out flirting you did with me. The voice that told me “All of this will end in tears…”
When I told you I missed you, you replied “I do to” that makes me really sad.
I love you. I’m looking forward to the day when I’ve totally let you go, totally grieved about what I never had.
I’m in my early thirties, and I still have no grand plan for my life. Most of the time, I sort of kid myself that I don’t need one. I’ve been to university, I have a degree, and I’m talented in my own particular area. Getting a job isn’t too difficult for me, although getting one that I enjoy is another matter. I decided to go freelance and work for myself, and I think I can do it… it won’t make me rich, but I enjoy it and I have enough to live on.
But I live in the here and now, all the while worrying about the future. I generally have a plan for the next year or so, and after that it will once again be time to make a “what next?” decision. I hate the thought of the normal way of life – the regular job, the house, the spouse and children. But at the same time I don’t know how else to get the security that that would provide. And while I love my life of doing the things I enjoy, being free to go wherever I want, when I want, I know that it can’t last forever. And what do I do when it stops?
My parents aren’t in the greatest health at the moment. What happens if something happens there, and I have no savings to look after them with? All because I’ve been selfish and chosen a life of job satisfaction over drab routine that provides security. Is it my responsibility to settle for a life I don’t want, so that I can, in the future, look after the parents who raised me? I’m beginning to think that it is, and if that’s the case, I’ll do it… but I’ll hate it. I’m not like other people. I have no desire to get married, or to have children, or to settle into a community and a life of routine. I’ll do it if that’s the only way, because I don’t want to be selfish. But IS it the only way?
Is the only way of life available to us the one that is most widely accepted in our culture? Is any deviation from that going to be seen as selfish, odd, thoughtless, irresponsible, cold? What if I don’t want to be here? What if I want to move away and do something completely different – is that wrong? And what if I do it, and then family tragedy/need brings me home – do I give everything up and come back for good?
And then there’s The Future even assuming everything is fine and well and problem-free until I’m old. If I’ve enjoyed my life and just made enough to live on, what does that mean for when I reach the age where I’m no longer able to work – when I need somewhere to call my own home on a more permanent basis, when I need to know that I’ve got money saved up to exist on until I die?
It’s scaring me, and confusing me. As a child, I always assumed that it would all fall into place. I’d go to university, I’d get a steady job, I’d work my way up the career ladder, I’d get married, I’d have children, I’d live in a nice house, I’d do family things, I’d have a pension plan. I didn’t really want that life, but I didn’t think about it – I just assumed that that was what would happen. It hasn’t, and I’m OK with that. But the future scares me. Is it possible to live without ties throughout your whole life? Or is that silly and irresponsible, both to your family and your future, older self?
I don’t know if other people worry about this. But it’s a constant fear in my mind, overshadowing everything I do. Damn, they don’t tell you when you’re a kid that it’s going to be this complicated.
I can’t believe you lied to me.
I can’t believe I lied to you.
I can’t believe I made you cry.
I can’t believe how much I love you.
I can’t believe what you said to me.
I can’t believe I am now.
I can’t believe I beat you up with a hammer.
I am tired….
I’m so tired it’s hard for me to keep my eyes ope. I just want to lay down and sleep. I’m getting married soon and the worry that I can’t keep my job is ripping me apart. Nobody really suspects anything, I do my job just well enough to avoid suspicion but when nobody is around I lay my head down on my desk and sleep until the phone wakes me with a jolt.
I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in college but made what I thought to be a complete recovery following my final year. Now I’m afraid it’s back, and with there being no treatment, all I can do is hide it from my boss, and stumble though life, half awake.
I’ve started taking anti depressants and I’m trying not to let it affect my relationship or my work, but I don’t know how long I can maintain the facade. Help.
One minute it is sunny… the next there is a big black cloud surrounding me. I don’t see it coming. I’m all of a sudden just there in the fog. Logically I know everything is ok. Others would say ‘you have it all’ but why then is it all so empty in here in the cloud? I try to reach out, pray for you to come and rescue me but you can’t, or wont, I’m not sure which. I can see you on the edge looking in, looking at me, looking puzzled. It only serves to send me deeper into the mist. If only you knew how close you are but how distant you feel.
Perhaps I am forever lost. Maybe those three words won’t ever precede my name. My cloud is my home. It’s lonely and suffocating but at least I can call it mine.
…and then today the radio played our song.
I miss you so much. You’re out there, enjoying your life without me in it, and I’m crying over a damn song. I wish I could erase every memory of you so that I don’t have to keep feeling like this, but you were such a huge part of my life that it’s impossible for me. Clearly it hasn’t been hard for you. How can you be so close to someone, love them, share so much with them, and then just cast them aside and carry on as if there was never anything between you?
I wish I’d never met you. You’ve destroyed me. And there’s no indication that you care in the slightest.
There’s a lot of heartbreak on these pages. I feel like mine doesn’t quite add up because we were only together five months. But they were five of the best months of my life…..when he wasn’t pining for her.
I believed that I was funny enough, cool enough, sexy enough to make him forget her. I only thought these things because he told me I was funny, cool, sexy….on the good days…..when he wasn’t pining for her.
His friends said he acted differently around me, that I made him into a nicer person. They couldn’t believe that he left a party to bring me home. He was always doing things to make me happy…..when he wasn’t pining for her.
I couldn’t believe how much we had in common; how much it delighted me to make him laugh. How happy it made me to cuddle with him all day. He seemed happy too…..when he wasn’t pining for her.
He pined and pined and pined for her, until I couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t live in another girl’s shadow anymore. It killed me to end it. Three hours later I begged him to make me change my mind…..but he was too busy pining for her.
They were together two years, we were only together five months. She has more of a right to him than I do. But what makes her so much better than me? He got what he wanted. She took him back. They’re happy. I’m miserable. But I did nothing wrong. Please please please let me get what I want. I can’t stop pining for him.
I fantasise that he still thinks about me. I deleted him from my email, my phone, but I can’t delete him from my mind. I can’t stop pining for him.
The thought of them together makes it hard to breathe. I can’t even look at anyone else. I can’t imagine meeting anyone like him ever again. His track record is bad. He’s treated people badly. He’s treated me badly. But I want him. So much. I can’t stop pining for him.
Everyone says that they won’t last. That the same problems will surface again. That’ll they’ll break up. But they all assume I’d laugh at his heartbreak and turn my back on him. I’d break red lights to get to him if he asked me.
How can it be that I found my soulmate, but he didn’t find me. He found her first. He told me he was falling for me, but that it felt too disloyal to her. It broke broke broke my heart. And I’m afraid it’ll never be fixed.
Is anyone going to pine for me?
I tried and tried..you tried and won then failed..we tried and I cried..you tried then lied and failed again.
I don’t want to compete for your love anymore, I will always be the loser.
Alcohol is killing you, your life, your love, your self, your hopes, your future…you need help..I hope your friends will watch over you but my time is done now.
I will always love you but I need to love me now.
I hope you get help
I hope you beat alcohol
I hope you find the strength to love you instead
I hope someday I’ll get over you completely
I hope and hope and hope…
So there you were the other day, we had been talking. Honestly, I don’t think you were really that comfortable. How does one even contemplate where to begin that conversation? The one where rejection is the major “contributory” factor. The more I think about it, the more I realise that maybe you are not the one with the self esteem issues. You say that your not that good looking, is that flirting, a cry for attention or just a pleasant way to say fe*k off? I couldn’t face up to it in the end, to be honest I don’t think I will either. You might read this one day and think I’m an idiot, I don’t really mind at-least I said it.
I don’t like who you become when he’s here. You’re not the person I’ve known forever. You’re smug. Selfish. Aloof. Judgemental. He’s nothing special you know. He lies too. He’s dishonest. You know this and it makes you overly defensive and protective. I can’t understand it.
But I’ll sit in silence until it passes, I’ll get rid of your tear-stained tissues when he leaves. Again.
I got involved with someone who was married, it was addictive, I’ve pretty much broken the spell now, thankfully.
But then I met someone a couple of weeks ago, got on really well, didn’t think much of it really, thought of it platonically- I’d met them through work.
Then I met them again recently – again through work, although a bit more of a social aspect to it & it felt like he was flirting with me. I wasn’t sure but he did touch me at every opportunity- slight touches, brushing his hand against mine, touching my elbow, my knee too..
We were talking for ages and I wasn’t sure what the story was. Then the conversation went on to learning how to live with people & I asked him his experiences.. “Well I’m married” he said.
He was sat in a bar, after work until 1am with a single woman, while his wife was at home- with as it turns out their young son!!
FFS!!! What is it about me that I’m attracting this? Again, there was no wedding ring.. and no mention of being married anywhere in the conversation, until I steered the conversation to find out….
Originally I thought we were just being friendly, now I feel uncomfortable! UUUGGHHH!!!
So let this be a declaration to the WORLD, the UNIVERSE, GOD, the ANGELS, whatever is out there…
I am lovingly open to meet a beautiful loving intelligent SINGLE man that is available & willing to be in a relationship!
i’m sick of bein at home right now i feel so unable to be myself iv told my aunt the only one i can talk to in my family my mum duznt care my grans a control freak my sis is to young to talk to that im bisexual its doin my head in bein hear i wanna run away some times it gets all to much for me thanks for lisening to me
I wonder do you think of our baby?, we live in the same area, we are both with other people and we smile and wave when we meet each other now alot of crap went on between us and it was a few yrs ago now but I wonder do you ever think of the baby I lost, I think of it everyday.
my life is fuckd up. see i’v got a friend with benefits (guy)that i like but he has hurt me in the past and now i’v got a girl that keeps flirting like mad with me but shes got a girlfriend most of the time but i cant have a full time relationship coz of family Commitments.so i’m upset and i want too selfharm again i feel so alone and sad i’dont know what to do.
I’m so happy. I woke up this morning and your hand was overlapping mine just a little, your middle finger resting on the centre of my palm – like you were dipping into me to see if you liked it. I didn’t think we could have this again, but I just rewound six years and found myself smiling at your text messages. You’re making me laugh again and I have that floaty feeling. Why is it a secret? I don’t know how to tell people we’re going for fifth time lucky.
 | Voodoolady on Alone |
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 | Maxi Cane on Alone |
 | Author on Baby blues |
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 | Lilly on Baby blues |
| Lilly on I want my son back |
 | Li on I want my son back |
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