The Battle

I have written the post three times. I have hit delete as many.

I wonder why there’s a need to let it out when really, it’s much wiser not to.

Maybe it’s a twisted desire for self-sabotage, a kamikaze mission of self-destruction. Maybe it is a hope that someone can help me understand why. Maybe it’s just that there’s no more room up there for these things to rattle about. They are starting to turn on each other and maybe I am seeking a sense of relief.

But for today, the delete button wins again. Friend or foe?

Pulling myself together

I will not blame others for my failings.

I will not find fault in possible new opportunities.

I will not back out of something because it seems to hard.

I will not stay stuck in a rut.

I will not put on any more weight.

I will not whine when I do put on more weight.

I will not spend what little money I have on shit.

I will not flake on my responsibilities.

.

Fuck it.

Yes I will.

Bid for work

I was told today that I would be successful in my application for a job depending on one condition:

The salary.

Another applicant with similar experience and qualifications was prepared to do the job for €5,000 less a year.

I wouldn’t mind, but the salary left a little to be desired in the first place.

I told them to go with the other guy.

Am I right to value myself and my work or should I put myself out to the lowest bidder?